1:11 a.m. - 2004-08-10
cutting back
When I was a little girl my love rattled like that crying bird in that cage
Tucked in a pink heart behind two ribbons of ribcage
Peppered with tiny holes
Because when any king or father appears he leaves in his wake adoration
Earned or unearned
I think I am learning to survive alone
I know when to go fetal
And when to run
I have a lot of room for thinking, but not enough thoughts ever come
All I can write about is being alone
Now that silence is as identifiable as a noisy song
Do you know how you suspend disbelief
Enough to put yourself to sleep
You convince yourself that your limbs are long warm bodies with names and thoughts
Asleep next to you in an unwavering protective border
But those are just ghosts and vapors working in your life
Above your head, floating like pollen
Anything can be dangerous when no one is around to claim your body
So you have to learn when to go fetal
And when to run
I’m learning all about the normal gender
His abilities are just properties of an agglomeration of 7x10 to the 27th power octillion
Grouped into ten trillion cells
And women are elements of nature within an environment of some 10,000 species
Grouped into an entire ecosystem
I am a cog in a process and
All women know when to go fetal
And when to run
From up high your life corrugated into shapeless mountains and flat people
My life looks more infinitesimal than ever
I am learning all about where I went wrong
And how impossible right is
It’s getting still up above
I can feel your vibrations approaching face down in the desert
Face down in the desert
